Aug. 19th, 2005 11:16 am
payne_n_diaz: (Default)
The other night I was having a bad dream of sorts. I don't remember all of it, but one part has stuck with me over the last two days and I guess in a way I find something about it to be a bit comforting.

In the dream Dixie had ingested something, I can't remember what it was, but it was something bad. Her normally brindle color was faded, as if she was weakening and the color of her coat was a signal to the world that she was fading away. I was holding her in my lap and the color stopped fading away but I could tell she was in some kind of pain. I remember her looking at me, and her big brown eyes were fixed on me as she tried to give me her big grin that she does now and then when she is really happy. I heard a voice behind me, maybe a vet or possibly it was Mindy, and they said something like, "She's dying, but she won't let go as long as you are here with her." I woke up right after that.

The thought of her dying was distressful enough, but the thought that me being there with her would be enough to keep her going while holding death at bay was quite the opposite. After some reflection on that yesterday I realized that if she could, I believe she would try to be strong enough to squeeze out a few additional hours of life just to be with me and that if I were to leave her alone for a moment she just might try to slip away in my absense to spare me the possibility of watching her die. Like I said... Distressing, yet comforting in some strange way.
payne_n_diaz: (Default)
I dreamt that my wife was in the hospital for some reason or another, and I was calling her to see how she was doing. When I called, a nurse answered the phone and told me that she was gone. "Where is she?", I asked. The nurse replied, "She died earlier this morning Mr. Barnes. I'm Sorry." I was overcome with grief, and I dropped to my knees and was wailing into the air as I stared up toward the ceiling. I remember thinking in my mind, what am I going to do? I felt lost and very alone. It was quite upsetting. I woke up and everyone was in the bed - Dixie by my side, Spike sleeping up by the pillows next to Mindy, and of course Mindy was out like a light. I felt better knowing that everything was okay, and I went back to sleep.

I told Mindy about my dream and she wondered what dreams about someone's death are interpretted to mean. She sent me a link to some MSN website with common dream themes - and here is what it said about Death:

Dreaming of death can be traumatic but it is actually an indicator of life events. Witnessing a death in your dream usually coincides with major changes in life, like starting a new year of school or moving to a new apartment. Death can illustrate endings as well as beginnings. What can seem unbearably sad as a dream may actually signal positive change.

We both hope the positive change has something to do with selling our condo and moving...
payne_n_diaz: (Default)
Last night I had the strangest dream. Read more... )


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