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The other night I was having a bad dream of sorts. I don't remember all of it, but one part has stuck with me over the last two days and I guess in a way I find something about it to be a bit comforting.
In the dream Dixie had ingested something, I can't remember what it was, but it was something bad. Her normally brindle color was faded, as if she was weakening and the color of her coat was a signal to the world that she was fading away. I was holding her in my lap and the color stopped fading away but I could tell she was in some kind of pain. I remember her looking at me, and her big brown eyes were fixed on me as she tried to give me her big grin that she does now and then when she is really happy. I heard a voice behind me, maybe a vet or possibly it was Mindy, and they said something like, "She's dying, but she won't let go as long as you are here with her." I woke up right after that.
The thought of her dying was distressful enough, but the thought that me being there with her would be enough to keep her going while holding death at bay was quite the opposite. After some reflection on that yesterday I realized that if she could, I believe she would try to be strong enough to squeeze out a few additional hours of life just to be with me and that if I were to leave her alone for a moment she just might try to slip away in my absense to spare me the possibility of watching her die. Like I said... Distressing, yet comforting in some strange way.
In the dream Dixie had ingested something, I can't remember what it was, but it was something bad. Her normally brindle color was faded, as if she was weakening and the color of her coat was a signal to the world that she was fading away. I was holding her in my lap and the color stopped fading away but I could tell she was in some kind of pain. I remember her looking at me, and her big brown eyes were fixed on me as she tried to give me her big grin that she does now and then when she is really happy. I heard a voice behind me, maybe a vet or possibly it was Mindy, and they said something like, "She's dying, but she won't let go as long as you are here with her." I woke up right after that.
The thought of her dying was distressful enough, but the thought that me being there with her would be enough to keep her going while holding death at bay was quite the opposite. After some reflection on that yesterday I realized that if she could, I believe she would try to be strong enough to squeeze out a few additional hours of life just to be with me and that if I were to leave her alone for a moment she just might try to slip away in my absense to spare me the possibility of watching her die. Like I said... Distressing, yet comforting in some strange way.
