Improving the Oscars

[payne_n_diaz]

How true is this?!  Very!

Ask any real friend of mine and they will tell you, I love movies and I enjoy Award Season to the fullest.  I used to have my buddies over for Oscar viewing just so we could have a reason to have wings, brews, and biting commentary on what was happening.  Heck, we could be worse than Joan and Melissa Rivers while discussing the fashion (and most of us were guys, but it was all in search for mistakes and the occassional trim shot ala Ashley Judd).  So when I read this list, I about died with laughter because it is so true!  You don't have to click on the link to read the list because I am gonna throw it down beneath the cut (and add my commentary as well).  But because I respect what my friends think, I want your take on the list as well... 

<i>1. No musical numbers. No, really. Seriously. Unless they're performed by the academy's accountants -- that might be entertaining.</i>

In some ways, I can agree with this.  Back when Billy Crystal was hosting they were fun and whimsical, and who can forget Robin Williams singing 'Blame Canada' when the South Park movie actually got a nomination (because nobody submitted much that year and they got it by default).  Yeah, I think we can do with fewer musical numbers for the sake of time.  Who wants to hear Jon Sterwart sing?  Not me!

<i>2. Live voting on the best Oscar gown, with a show the next night crowning the winners and losers. It works for "American Idol" and "Dancing With the Stars." And all we really care about is the fashion anyway.</i>

I like this idea!  Let's make the Oscars more interactive.  Think of the awards Sandra Bullock, J Lo and Ashley Judd would have won thanks to see-thru materials and slits cut too high.

<i>3. No more than 20 "Brokeback Mountain" jokes. We're eager to see what Stewart and his crew will do with the gay cowboy movie, but we're thinking some sort of quota might be healthy.</i>

I am in agreement here...  There is so much more they can make fun of outside of Cowboys. 

<i>4. Move telecast to HBO. The more profanities, the better.</i>

A great idea!  Better yet, air it simultaniously on Sirius Radio with Howard Stern commenting!  That would be fun.

<i>5. Skip the best song award; instead, nominees get bus tickets to Grammy Awards.</i>

Eh, the Grammy's suck...  I guess we can sit through this category (but only if Danny Elfman finally wins).

<i>6. Install a trapdoor behind the podium for long-winded winners. The orchestra playing loudly just isn't working.</i>

Better yet, have snipers in the alcoves and make the long winded speech givers run around the stage to avoid being tagged with darts that make them go to sleep.  Think about it!  Cuba Gooding Jr. and Roberto Benini's speech would have been so much more fun that way!

<i>7. Shorten the show: Two hours tops. It notoriously runs more than three hours, sometimes four. So, at 1 hour, 59 minutes, the orchestra starts playing. Sixty seconds later, cut to commercial. If that doesn't leave enough time for best picture award, save it for next year.</i>

I have to say, this wasn't a problem for me when I lived in SoCal, but now I understand why it is such a huge complaint.  Living on the East Coast, I don't want to stay up until friggin midnight to see who wins Best Picture.

<i>8. Get Andy Samberg and Chris Parnell to present. They saved "SNL," didn't they?</i>

I want them to present anything that <b>Chronicles of Narnia</b> is nominated for.  Double True!

<i>9. Kathy Griffin has been kicked off the E! red-carpet broadcast in favor of Ryan Seacrest, which is just wrong on so many levels. How about putting Griffin inside the auditorium as a roving correspondent? Because egomaniac stars just think her pomposity-puncturing humor is sooooo funny.</i>

More like they find her humor annoying, mean spirited, and just crass.  Hmmmm...  Now that I think about it, that IS a good idea!

<i>10. Show audience shots that cover more than just the front rows. How many close-ups of Joaquin Phoenix and Charlize Theron will we need? Where's Johnny Knoxville sitting?</i>

"Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville and I am locked in the handicap stall in the restroom!"

<i>11. Have Prof. John Frink (scientist geek on "The Simpsons") announce the technical achievement awards.</i>

Best award presentation ever!

<i>12. The academy president doesn't need to talk. He just doesn't.</i>

Double True!

<i>13. Eliminate scripted banter. What's the point of pairing Shirley MacLaine and Don Cheadle as presenters if they just read lame material from a teleprompter. Let them wing it and add some suspense to the evening.</i>

Hehehe...  Don Cheadle...  He's awesome!

<i>14. Let Jon Stewart protege Stephen Colbert interview stars on the red carpet, presenting them with an ego that is way bigger than even the most overpaid actor's.</i>

I like this!  Stephen Colbert is brilliant!

<i>15. More cowbell!</i>

More cowbell is always the prescription for Oscar Fever!

Comments

[mcbarnes1970.livejournal.com]

I'm gonna have to go back to my predictions and see how I am fairing thus far for the year.